Chatting to The English Sisters

A couple of weeks ago, the lovely English Sisters asked whether I'd 'meet' them for a Chat-View. I was so pleased to be asked. And excited! It was the first time I've been interviewed for this work.


I came away from this energised and inspired!


Here's the link:

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Small Fears

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.

 Richard Bach

Sometimes I ask myself "what's the point of NLP? Has it really made a difference to my life? Or has it just been an expensive self-indulgence?'


I think it's a good thing to question and to listen to the answer. After all, what might have started out as a good idea, half way through, it might be the worst of all things. And there's no point wasting time about it, if it's not working, it's time to do something different. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different outcomes (a misquote from Einstein).


NLP's approach to phobias is perhaps one of the most effective and life-changing. I've seen a woman too terrified of snakes to even look at a picture of one in a magazine, within 20 minutes of being on stage with Richard Bandler stroking a patient boa constrictor. My Boy, whom I love dearly had the most awesome girlie scream when confronted with spiders. I've got pictures of him after his NLP training, holding a tarantula called Rosie, looking very pleased with himself.


But what have I experienced?


Well, I'm not a fan of heights or tight spaces. I tried camping once. It wasn't a success thanks to the slope we were pitched on, the chilly August and the fact that I couldn't sleep in the tent with it zipped up. I didn't freak out, or fall apart. I just made it very clear that the tent had to stay unzipped. Never mind the cold and damp.


I've not been keen on heights. Again, I don't freak out, or fall apart, but I let my general unhappiness be known. I have been to the top of Cardiff Castle, not an entirely happy experience.


So, when I was invited to go on a tour of Ely Cathedral, I was curious. I was asked if I would be worried about heights and tight places, because there would be both. There are about 170 steps in very tight conditions to take you to the top of the Cathedral which is about 120 ft. I said I was up for it. And I was.


Going up, it wasn't the very tight space which was the issue. Put it this way, if there is ever a space to elicit a freak-out response, heading up to look at the Octagon is it. It starts out reasonable, but on the third leg of the ascent, the staircase becomes a very, very small space with people above and behind you. No, the issue for me was my level of fitness i.e. the heaving chest and the burning calves. My Goddess do I ever need to sort out an exercise regime. 170 bloody tiny steps to walk up and down again!


Once up there, I looked out towards Cambridge and across the fens. I enjoyed looking down on a nesting dove and at the people walking around the Cathedral grounds. I was laughing and joking. In other words, I was fine.


I was comfortable and happy (a bit chilly, because obviously it's March weather in the beginning of June) and I had a lovely time.


Here's the thing: I had to consciously notice this difference in my response. Big deal? It's more like a little deal. It was something that I used to do, and now I don't do it any more. A bit like my smoking. So the answer is still a resounding yes, NLP is good for me and I still believe it's a great thing for other people too. 

Ripples

Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.  ~William James

I have been blessed in my Life. I have been blessed with true friendship and with people who have acted as Lighthouses. They've guided me home, to safe and calm waters, when all around me has been storm and dangerous rocks. I am one lucky woman. 

My experiences have led me to believe that it really is true: no person is an island. We can't do things on our own. We are not meant to. It is through our relationships with other people that we learn who we really are. This is why it's so important to choose your friends and lovers with such care. Your friends and lovers act as mirrors, reflecting back at you, your values and beliefs about yourself and the World in general. 

If your mirrors are distorted, your view of yourself and your World will be distorted. There are some people in Life who are whingers and whiners. Don't get me wrong, I love a good whinge and whine with the best of them. Let's face it, Life really is hard. Shit happens to good people. I think it is important to be able to say so, to acknowledge the situation as it really is. But staying in that whinging and whining mode for any period of time is not a good idea. It saps you of your energy, motivation and lets in helplessness and depression. 

Having people around you who reflect your natural goodness back to you, acts as a reminder that although Life might be shit, you are not. It's also a very good thing to have someone lay it down. If you are acting up, out of your pain; having a good friend give you a kick up the backside is one of the most loving and most helpful things they can do.

My NLP work, I believe is my opportunity to give something back. I've learnt the hard way, so my clients don't need to. And frankly, everyone needs a cheerleader in their Life and it is a privilege to do this.

What is NLP?

You'd think having done my practitioner's training nearly a year ago, I'd have got the hang of a pithy definition by now. You'd be wrong. It's got so many aspects to it: trance, the meta-model, time-lines, modelling excellence...and I've been taught to move seamlessly through them, that I've been struggling with that definition; the aspects shift in importance. And the other thing of course, is that as I've used NLP more and more, it's become an unconscious and evolving skill.


Last week, things shifted around for me quite considerably. I got into an argument, on an internet forum with a troll about NLP. The thing is, I quite like a good intellectual argument. I really like the construction of a well-formulated, considered and articulate delivery of a good old ding dong. I was soon reminded, that trolls don't do any of that. They are there to either a) stir the shit with a controversial perspective or b) they really believe the shit they're spouting forth. What can I say? After they beat me to boredom with their ignorance, I realised what a useful exercise it had been (everything is, after all, a learning experience).


I realised that for me, NLP is two things:


1. Choices. It gives people wider choices about their lives; new skills and strategies by which they can make better decisions, which leads to freedom. It gives people proper choices: to be healthy, productive, successful, happy. On the face of it, everyone wants these things to a certain extent. My definition of healthy is not going to be the same as a doctor's or an Olympic athlete. Success for me is totally different to Richard Branson. But what gets in the way of me having those things (procrastination, lack of ownership etc) I can use NLP to remove those blocks so I can work towards these things in a cheerful and willing journey.


2. Communication. It's about enabling people to communicate better both with the people around them and actually, with themselves. If you stop to think about your own internal dialogue, the crap you tell yourself every day 'idiot, why did you say that? you can't do that, you're not good enough' etc, it's not really surprising that some of that bleeds out to the people around them. Frankly, if peoples' internal dialogues were audible, society would go into chaos because people would hide away in mortification at their own cruelty to themselves.


It's not surprising that NLP is not the only field that stridently states: kindness starts with you. Be kind to yourself and you'll be kind to other people. Kindness is a vastly underrated virtue. It's not sexy, extrovert, it's not something you can boast to other people about 'ah yes you know, I was so kind then.' But actually a little bit of kindness goes a long way, both for the person who receives it and for the person who gives. Showing yourself kindness when things are tough, when Life is grinding you into dust, gives you strength. Kindness requires an awareness of what's going on in and around you. There is no cost to kindness and the more you do, the more you have...it is a virtuous circle.


I leave you with this little challenge for the weekend: how are you going to be kind to yourself now? If you're feeling brave, come back and tell me.