I have been having a long think about being an NLP Practitioner, being a coach/mentor and how that fits into my world view.
The fact of the matter is I have an interesting set of skills and experiences, which means I can guide people towards the life they want. My belief that people can learn different coping strategies, they can change the way they deal with problems, remains unshakable. Can I create a financially sustainable business based on this? No. And truth be known, I don't want to.
It's not that I have anything against money. In fact, I rather like it. Currently, I'm far better spending it, than earning it.
However, the people I enjoy most working with are the people who are starting out on their creative path, or are setting up a small business. I love being around people with vision and who are determined to carve their own niche in the tree. Creative people, who look at life from a totally different perspective and who translate their vision into words or things. People who really can't afford to pay for something as fluffy as a coach/mentor/NLP Practitioner.
I just don't have the heart to market myself. I really don't.
There are so many fine NLP Practitioners etc out there, doing brilliant work, I don't think the world needs my half-arsed efforts. My path has changed. I am pursuing my writing and really enjoying it. That's where my energy is going these days.
However, I see so many great people, doing amazing things to change peoples' lives out there, I am going to continue passing their wisdom on. This is still the place where l write about Life, the Universe and Living Well.
I hope you continue to join me here.
Showing posts with label Time to Breathe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Time to Breathe. Show all posts
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Welcome to 2013
Last night we showed 2012 to the door. Depending on the kind of year you had, you may have been sorry to see it leave. Personally, I shouted 'don't let the door hit you on arse on your way out' and went to bed. 2013 started without me. I started 2013 cuddled up.
Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about my New Year Resolutions. I've only been making them recently; I would rather not make a resolution and find at the end of the year that I've stuck to it! Result. When I started making New Year Resolutions, I would find that they didn't last past March if I was lucky. Nothing like creating a resolution, the failure of which hits you in the face for the rest of the year.
Last year, I resolved to stop smoking. 2012 became the year I stopped and started and stopped again. When I stopped in December (I didn't want to wait until January), I stopped because I really wanted to. I stopped not because I was guilted into it (by the many hours of anti-smoking lectures), or down to financial constraints, or because it was something I 'should' do. I stopped because I really wanted to.
My experience with resolutions is not unique to me. After all, in the beginning of January, gyms are full. By the middle of February, they're back to their normal clientele. So I've been looking for a way to set resolutions and keep them, rather than have them become yet another stick to beat myself with.
Yesterday, I found this video in my Facebook feed.
I like the idea of having resolutions every day of the year, not just January. Richard always makes me smile.
Today, I read Stephen's thoughts on resolutions. I like the way he's taking 'should' out of his coaching vocabulary. If you've set your resolutions, I urge you to visit Stephen's blog, have a look and apply what feels right to you and your circumstances.
Goals, Aims and Targets are the focus of mainstream coaching, because if you don't know where you're going, how can you complain when you get where you are?
Before I did my NLP training, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do and set out to do it. The few times I did that, it worked out pretty well, but never in quite the way I envisaged it. I had fun along the way and few complaints about the way things turned out. I learnt a lot which is fine by me.
After my NLP training, I was encouraged to create a 5 Year Plan. Creating a 5 Year Plan on a timeline and working back towards present day is a powerful experience. You see yourself in 5 years time, having achieved your goals and then go through the steps backwards to your starting point in the present day. I saw it work incredibly well during my training. The only problem is, it makes me physically sick. I react very strongly against it as a concept that I should embrace.
It boils down to my values. I value spontaneity. I like surprises. And let's face it, Life is a constant surprise, both good and bad. You can plan for everything down to the most minute details, and Life still manages to throw a spanner, a monkey and wrench in all your hard work.
I like leaving a bit of space for the unexpected.
This year, I created one resolution. But I changed the way I wrote it. It is positive and overarching. I have sub-resolutions, which all align up with it. They are vague enough to give me room to dance around any unusual encounters along the way, but keep me working toward the outcome I am genuinely excited by.
In 2013, I will be following my Bliss to financial sustainability. All of my activities will be either focused on achieving this, or on the maintenance of the rest of my Life, so I can work towards achieving my goal.
Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about my New Year Resolutions. I've only been making them recently; I would rather not make a resolution and find at the end of the year that I've stuck to it! Result. When I started making New Year Resolutions, I would find that they didn't last past March if I was lucky. Nothing like creating a resolution, the failure of which hits you in the face for the rest of the year.
Last year, I resolved to stop smoking. 2012 became the year I stopped and started and stopped again. When I stopped in December (I didn't want to wait until January), I stopped because I really wanted to. I stopped not because I was guilted into it (by the many hours of anti-smoking lectures), or down to financial constraints, or because it was something I 'should' do. I stopped because I really wanted to.
My experience with resolutions is not unique to me. After all, in the beginning of January, gyms are full. By the middle of February, they're back to their normal clientele. So I've been looking for a way to set resolutions and keep them, rather than have them become yet another stick to beat myself with.
Yesterday, I found this video in my Facebook feed.
I like the idea of having resolutions every day of the year, not just January. Richard always makes me smile.
Today, I read Stephen's thoughts on resolutions. I like the way he's taking 'should' out of his coaching vocabulary. If you've set your resolutions, I urge you to visit Stephen's blog, have a look and apply what feels right to you and your circumstances.
Goals, Aims and Targets are the focus of mainstream coaching, because if you don't know where you're going, how can you complain when you get where you are?
Before I did my NLP training, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do and set out to do it. The few times I did that, it worked out pretty well, but never in quite the way I envisaged it. I had fun along the way and few complaints about the way things turned out. I learnt a lot which is fine by me.
After my NLP training, I was encouraged to create a 5 Year Plan. Creating a 5 Year Plan on a timeline and working back towards present day is a powerful experience. You see yourself in 5 years time, having achieved your goals and then go through the steps backwards to your starting point in the present day. I saw it work incredibly well during my training. The only problem is, it makes me physically sick. I react very strongly against it as a concept that I should embrace.
It boils down to my values. I value spontaneity. I like surprises. And let's face it, Life is a constant surprise, both good and bad. You can plan for everything down to the most minute details, and Life still manages to throw a spanner, a monkey and wrench in all your hard work.
I like leaving a bit of space for the unexpected.
This year, I created one resolution. But I changed the way I wrote it. It is positive and overarching. I have sub-resolutions, which all align up with it. They are vague enough to give me room to dance around any unusual encounters along the way, but keep me working toward the outcome I am genuinely excited by.
In 2013, I will be following my Bliss to financial sustainability. All of my activities will be either focused on achieving this, or on the maintenance of the rest of my Life, so I can work towards achieving my goal.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Going with The Flow
There's been a bit of a debate that raged over in an NLP Facebook page that I frequent. I threw my tuppence worth in and then took a step back. I was somewhat surprised by the vehemence of the argument, but then over the Internet, people will argue their opinions on red onions with the stridency of a fundamentalist religious believer. When it got to that stage, I took a step back and considered the bones of the argument itself.
It was about Positive Mental Attitude.
How about that eh? Who'd have thought people would get all hot under the collar from that?
NLP purists argue that it's your attitude that dictates your reality. Your attitude creates the filters through which you experience life. In other words, if you're an optimist good things are there for you and conversely, if you're a pessimist, Life will give you lemons.
To a certain extent, I think there's a lot of weight to the positive argument. Depending on your filter, you'll see opportunity or difficulty. NLP has quite a few good strategies and techniques to get yourself into a positive state, to give you control over your thinking and emotions. These strategies and techniques are incredibly useful.
I did my NLP training a couple of years ago and since then, my internal experience of Life has been far more enriched and considered. The biggest thing it has given me, is awareness.
The thing is, I'm not an NLP purist. If you ask me about specific techniques and strategies, I'll have to stop and think about it. I can do it, but it might take me a moment or two. For me, NLP is about flexibility and attitude.
I spent two months during a summer two years ago, with my father before he died. It was perhaps one of the most profound experiences I've had and it rocked me to the very core. When I returned to my life in Norwich, I went to see someone, who suggested that I'd experienced "challenges". Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a testament to my self-control that I didn't pick up the metal folding chair I was sat on, and beat the man to death with it. Challenges? Really?
It was the trivialising of that profound experience which fuelled my rage. And yes, it was rage. Perhaps a little bit over the top, you might say. Perhaps. I got off the chair and haven't seen him since.
NLP, ultimately is about easing suffering. It's about: not making a bad situation worse.
The problem I have with the strident defenders of Positive Mental Attitude is that they argue that there is no such thing as a "bad situation", it's only "a challenge" that you're failing because of a poor attitude. If you change your state, no problem.
Part of my resistance to the paradigm of Positive Mental Attitude comes from the fact I'm a writer and a Pagan. As a writer I am driven to communicate Life's experiences; as a Pagan, the natural world informs my spirituality. My own experiences include: joy, love, laughter, friendship and also, grief, disappointment, pain. I have suffered. My Life is a rich mix of these things. If I was happy, happy, happy all the time, would my life be as rich?
NLP has meant I experience the lows without fear. In fact, there are days when I positively enjoy my moodiness. I relish my grumpiness. I experience these moods knowing I'm not stuck in them. They pass like the rain in winter.
Nature is a great teacher and many of my Facebook posts reflect the metaphors Nature and Science contributes to life.
You see, if we are the sapling, we need the sun and rain to flourish. The wind to blow off the leaves and the deadwood. The change in seasons to bring periods of rest and growth. NLP has given me more flexibility. Why would I need it, if there wasn't a stiff wind to bend with?
The stiff wind, the low moments, are all part of Life. For me there is power in these experiences. They are the teachers. Great insight comes from them. Insight, I could not have gained with the highs.
Being able to say to those around me: I'm having a really hard time right now, gave the people around me, the opportunity to give me the comfort I needed. I try to return the favour, sometimes more successfully than others, but I do try. There is a great joy in being able to comfort. It reminds us we are not alone. Sharing compassion and love are rich experiences in themselves.
The Work of Byron Katie and Buddhism continue to inform my learnings. I think of myself as a student of Life, not a teacher. This blog is about sharing my thoughts on my experiences, with a hope that you, my readers might find it a trigger for your own thoughts. I don't have answers, I only have more questions.
It was about Positive Mental Attitude.
How about that eh? Who'd have thought people would get all hot under the collar from that?
NLP purists argue that it's your attitude that dictates your reality. Your attitude creates the filters through which you experience life. In other words, if you're an optimist good things are there for you and conversely, if you're a pessimist, Life will give you lemons.
To a certain extent, I think there's a lot of weight to the positive argument. Depending on your filter, you'll see opportunity or difficulty. NLP has quite a few good strategies and techniques to get yourself into a positive state, to give you control over your thinking and emotions. These strategies and techniques are incredibly useful.
I did my NLP training a couple of years ago and since then, my internal experience of Life has been far more enriched and considered. The biggest thing it has given me, is awareness.
The thing is, I'm not an NLP purist. If you ask me about specific techniques and strategies, I'll have to stop and think about it. I can do it, but it might take me a moment or two. For me, NLP is about flexibility and attitude.
I spent two months during a summer two years ago, with my father before he died. It was perhaps one of the most profound experiences I've had and it rocked me to the very core. When I returned to my life in Norwich, I went to see someone, who suggested that I'd experienced "challenges". Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a testament to my self-control that I didn't pick up the metal folding chair I was sat on, and beat the man to death with it. Challenges? Really?
It was the trivialising of that profound experience which fuelled my rage. And yes, it was rage. Perhaps a little bit over the top, you might say. Perhaps. I got off the chair and haven't seen him since.
NLP, ultimately is about easing suffering. It's about: not making a bad situation worse.
The problem I have with the strident defenders of Positive Mental Attitude is that they argue that there is no such thing as a "bad situation", it's only "a challenge" that you're failing because of a poor attitude. If you change your state, no problem.
Part of my resistance to the paradigm of Positive Mental Attitude comes from the fact I'm a writer and a Pagan. As a writer I am driven to communicate Life's experiences; as a Pagan, the natural world informs my spirituality. My own experiences include: joy, love, laughter, friendship and also, grief, disappointment, pain. I have suffered. My Life is a rich mix of these things. If I was happy, happy, happy all the time, would my life be as rich?
NLP has meant I experience the lows without fear. In fact, there are days when I positively enjoy my moodiness. I relish my grumpiness. I experience these moods knowing I'm not stuck in them. They pass like the rain in winter.
Nature is a great teacher and many of my Facebook posts reflect the metaphors Nature and Science contributes to life.
You see, if we are the sapling, we need the sun and rain to flourish. The wind to blow off the leaves and the deadwood. The change in seasons to bring periods of rest and growth. NLP has given me more flexibility. Why would I need it, if there wasn't a stiff wind to bend with?
The stiff wind, the low moments, are all part of Life. For me there is power in these experiences. They are the teachers. Great insight comes from them. Insight, I could not have gained with the highs.
Being able to say to those around me: I'm having a really hard time right now, gave the people around me, the opportunity to give me the comfort I needed. I try to return the favour, sometimes more successfully than others, but I do try. There is a great joy in being able to comfort. It reminds us we are not alone. Sharing compassion and love are rich experiences in themselves.
The Work of Byron Katie and Buddhism continue to inform my learnings. I think of myself as a student of Life, not a teacher. This blog is about sharing my thoughts on my experiences, with a hope that you, my readers might find it a trigger for your own thoughts. I don't have answers, I only have more questions.
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Taking Time Out
Sometimes we need different things: a kick up the back side, a hug from a friend, silence, excitement, stimulation, hard work. It's important to recognise, acknowledge and meet your needs. At the moment, I need some time to reflect and to re-energise.
Yes, I could change my state, wind myself up and go forth and be fabulous. But at the moment, quiet contemplation is where I'm at.
It's too easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life and to expend a huge amount of energy being busy and productive.
The thing is, if you don't look after yourself, you're not going to be able to meet your responsibilities at home, at work or to your family. Looking after yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. There are some things that really can wait 5 minutes.
Stop for a minute.
Feel your breath as it enters and leaves your body. What does your body need right now? It needs your next breath. That's all. In this instant, that's all that matters.
The sun will rise tomorrow, the earth will dance through the universe.
These things happen whilst we are breathing.
It's hard at the moment. I don't know anyone who isn't carrying worry. Who isn't concerned about their finances, their loved ones, their health and wellbeing. I see it in the faces of the people on the street, as they drive to work in the morning, as they try and keep it together. If we're finding Life a bit hard, maybe it's time to find compassion for ourselves, so we can be compassionate to other people.
We're all trying to figure out what we're doing here on this Earth. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. And do you know what - that's okay. It's okay to be confused, worried and scared.
But tomorrow, the sun will rise and the earth will continue to dance around the universe.
Every day is a new beginning.
So taking some time to breathe, to relax; it means you'll be better able to deal with what lies in front of you. It's not self-indulgence; it's necessary. Even if it's a few minutes every day just sitting, staring out the window and being aware as the breath enters and leaves your body.
Be well darlings.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Small Moments of Beauty
Sometimes it's the little things that we feel the most grateful for: Like a cup of coffee, a glimpse of sunshine on a cloudy day, an unexpected smile. And when we remember that we can actually create these small moments for others, our power to do good is unleashed and the world is literally changed in an instant.
Paul Boynton - Begin with Yes
I'm a big fan of Paul's Facebook page. His messages are pertinent and timely. And this one, particularly struck a chord.
When my father was dying in Trinidad, I would stand outside in my brother's back yard and smoke like a train. As I stood there desperately trying to keep focused in the present, trying not to despair, keeping it together, I looked around and found beauty.
It was sometimes subtle: a butterfly, a small lizard darting amongst the plants or fire flies blinking in the darkness. It was sometimes spectacular: a flock of parrots raucously chatting to each other as they flew around the neighbourhood. Let me tell you, 1 parrot makes a whole heap of noise, a flock of 15-20...well, they are deafening.
Beauty was there. It reminded me that we are all part of this Life together, held by something more wonderful than we can imagine.
Back home in the real world. I carried on my 'normal' life.
Sometimes, I need reminders that the beauty and wonder is still there. I have to make time to look. But they are still there: a furry caterpillar undulating up a sprig of lavender, the bright waning moon.
What moments of beauty can you find today? This is my challenge to you. Especially, if you're feeling tired, low and fed-up. What's there waiting for you to see? I'd really appreciate it if you'd share.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
In Search of: Love
Love does not cause suffering; what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I spend a lot of time thinking about Love. Part of this fascination comes from my curiosity about relationships and the way people relate to each other, part of it is due to my romantic and idealistic nature; and then, there's the spiritual questor and philosopher in me that can't resist.
Apparently, there are lots of different kinds of love: familial, platonic, unconditional, conditional, romantic, religious, self-love etc. People really do like sticking things into boxes. As if it makes it any easier to understand.
We could start from the beginning. Love is a feeling. When a person experiences this emotion, their system is flooded with happy hormones which makes the sun shine brighter, their smile even wider. The absence of love causes all manner of physical and emotional problems. Children have been known to wither and die without it; growing up in an un-loving environment creates shocks that may take years to over-come and some people never do. Living without love can create a state of un-health and non-wellbeing.
The personal development industry moves to address these issues and it's so saddening to see the genuine suffering of so many. And all from the poverty of emotional experience. It seems to be the root cause of so much unhappiness.
I wonder if by trying to define Love causes part of the suffering? Or if it is more the lack of expression and acknowledgment? Sometimes I think people say "I love you" and there's so much more attached at the end of the sentence. The full-stop at the end of "I love you" is actually a colon and what comes after is a litany of expectation, demands and conditions.
I wonder what would happen if people say "I love you", enforced that full-stop and breathed through the silence.
Wouldn't this keep things really simple? Love would just be, what it is; with acceptance, reverence and joy. Just to be able to be acknowledged, for itself. I think there would be so much freedom: freedom to be yourself completely. There would be freedom from pain, because there's no disappointment, no lack, no expectation, no judgement. Nothing to cause discomfort.
And of course, Love is free to be expressed and experienced universally. Because, if you're not expecting love to be fulfilled by one individual - you are experiencing Love for yourself, so you don't need them to love you back, or even from a human being, you are free to experience Love all around you. You see it in your pets' eyes when they look into yours. You lavish it on your home, your economic endeavours, your community...there is so much abundance.
I am Love; you are Love; we live in Love.
How simple it is really, how incredibly complicated we try to make things.
Our soul journey then is the quest to come back to this simple state of being: joy.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Delighting in Breath
Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
Ovid
I hate starting a blog post with an apology, but I feel I *ought* to, considering I've been missing in action for a week. So, I'm sorry I've not been about much.
I have been taking some time out from getting my businesses set up, to do some rather fun things with some people rather precious to me. In other words, I've been hanging out with and annoying the crap out of my teenager and my Significant Other. I've had fun cooking great food, walking and napping. Not to mention watching rubbish television, reading the trashy novels I adore and taking the time to breathe.
As I rested and relaxed and enjoyed the company and the silence, I came to the amazing realisation of the many blessings around me. I've been pushing so hard to get things going, to 'do' things, I hadn't taken stock of what I've achieved so far. I haven't stopped to think about the good things I've done, the things I've learnt. It's been good.
Much to do yet. And that's good too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)