In Search of: Living Well

Welcome.

It has been awhile. According to my stats, nigh on 13 months in fact. I have been having a long think, but perhaps more importantly, I've gone through this time 'doing'. This time for me has been about action, rather than contemplation. I have learnt a great deal. It has not been an easy or straightforward path, from May 2013 to June 2014, but I am here. Feeling a little older, a little fitter and perhaps more importantly, feeling far more uncertain.

Uncertainty is one of the most difficult feelings to endure. It is the tug in several conflicting directions, outcomes unknown. It is feeling the pressure to make a decision, but knowing the decision once made, cannot be undone.

It is about the Learning Mind. To sit within the space of uncertainty requires courage, patience and the realisation that you are completely responsible for the outcome. There is no one else to blame, should it all go horribly wrong.

There is the bumper sticker that reads: There are only two certainties in Life: Death and Taxes.

It is a universal truth.

However much you might try to argue with that, everything in between birth and death is subject to change. Life is change. Our moments here so very fleeting in the book of the cosmos.

What I say here, is my opinion. I say what I say with the best of intentions and I hope you read those best intentions in the spaces between my words. I write now with my Uncertain Mind. 

In the last 13 months, I came to realise that a person can do everything 'right' and follow all of the 'rules' and it all goes to shit.

There really isn't a Top 10 Tips to Be Happy, or Be Successful, or Be Amazing in Bed. There are good strategies to negotiate Life, I certainly am not refuting those. I just think 'being happy', 'being successful' or being whatever, is so personal and subject to the circumstances around the personal that to reduce everything to a set of bullet points, is missing the point completely.

Life is complicated.

And sometimes, it's very painful; and actually, that's just how it is.

I will dust off my Facebook Page, I haven't lost my love of the motivational memes, silly pictures and my drive to share good news stories. I would love your company. Please come by again.

Control - to be, or not to be?

There have been three excellent bits of writing which have stopped and made me think this week. It started with Super Coach's Michael Neill's Monday morning e-newsletter and continued with Chris Morris and Stephen Woolston. Each in their own way, talking about Life and the effect our perceptions have upon our experiences. I'd recommend you having a look to see what you think of their work. These are all men who are well experienced and qualified in their areas of expertise.

Me? I'm just throwing in my tuppence worth.

What is reality? How do you perceive it and Life around you? These are the big questions personal and spiritual development try to answer. I say 'try', because I believe there is no one answer, no one way which is right above all others. Ultimately, we all bring to our lives our experiences, hopes and dreams and for me learning is the key.

Being aware of where you are in The Moment, being able to recognise how you are feeling and thinking, is an incredibly powerful place to start. In this, I would follow Richard Bandler's thoughts on leaving out the 'why'. The 'why' can lead into so many justifications which can be a dead-end road. Sometimes we really don't know why. Why people choose to behave the way they do...it's a mystery - all we know is that they did it, and we live with the consequences.

As I wrote that last paragraph, I realised I'm bringing in learnings from Buddhism as well. A bit of detachment and acceptance is part of this process. Being able to let your thoughts be what they are, without judging them, buying into them or believing them gives you more room to manoeuvre. Meditation and trance is a great way to still the mind and to learn how to be. 

My mind is like a troop of chattering monkeys. Any meditation which starts: let your mind be still, go blank...that's a non-starter for me. Instead, I give my mind something else to do. I focus on repeated phrases and I particularly like the meditations from Jack Kornfield in A Path with Heart. 

How much control do you have in your life? This was Michael Neill's question. I think it's a valid one. I like the fact that the point he was raising is that it's okay not to feel or be in control. That giving up on the illusion of control, leaping into the chaos and being well, as you deal with all manner of situations is the authentic response.

Are we really in control? No. I'm with him on this one. I'm not in control of my government, the World, the economy, my family, my lover or my child. I sure as hell can't make them do what I want...believe me, I've tried. That is what Byron Katie calls arguing with reality. And yes, I did and I only lost 100% of the time. Do I control my thoughts? Do I control how I feel? Umm....I can. I've learnt to guide my thinking in certain circumstances, to boost my mood when I've got to do something to meet my responsibilities. But by in large, I'm not blessed with an over-abundance of energy. I've learnt, I don't have to. Things get done, or they don't. 

Mostly, I've learnt to work with my body, work with my thinking, moods and energy levels. It's created more of a flow. I realise now that NLP has given me flexibility and more options. This has been it's greatest gift to me. 

This has been a bit of a ramble. I suppose I don't really have a point, per se. If I do, it's simply this: be well.

Acceptance

Be yourself. Good advice isn't it? But it's not always easy, nor is it as straightforward as it might seem. In daily life we act out different roles: parent, child, sibling, employee, employer, partner... We adjust ourselves to the company we keep. After all, standing out in a crowd is supposed to be good, but mostly we really want just to get along.

If we are surrounded by like-minded people, who share our values, beliefs and goals, it's much easier. They are the glue that holds families and groups together.

Not so easy, if your day-to-day life is living and working with people who are not on the same wavelength. You are forced to choose two options. You conform. You laugh at their jokes, try to look like they do, act like they do, think like they do. Or you rebel. You stand up for yourself, you look different than they do, defend your identity aggressively.

Both options are isolating. If you're acting in your daily life, you draw your energy from illusions and you never really fit in. It's a lie. You're fracturing yourself which causes a whole gamut of unpleasantness: ill health, depression, stress. You're alone in a crowd. You might say what they think, laugh at their jokes, but are still lonely because this fracturing can still be sensed by those around you. They don't believe you and don't entirely trust you because of it.

If you feel like you must constantly defend your identity against people who don't think like you; it's a battle. Conflict is inevitable. You against the world, and boy is the world out to get you. People just don't understand. Teenage rebellion, but in an adult arena.

Here's the thing: life is short. We are like footsteps in the sand: we make brief impressions and then are washed away by the incoming tide. Life is too short to be lying to everyone around you about who you are, or having to defend yourself constantly.

The third way? Sometimes it is better to hold your tongue, to go with the pack. Fighting to be heard is a tiring way to live. Sometimes you do need to stand up for yourself, acknowledge your values, principles and rights. 

It's okay to be you. However you really are. By being yourself, acknowledging your uniqueness, it allows other people to see you for who you really are. And if you're insulted by being yourself, for being different - the person who is trying to hurt you is actually just stating the obvious with malicious intent. If you are comfortable in your own skin, the malicious intent slides away and ultimately, shows their true colours. It actually says nothing about you and everything about them.

Accepting yourself: your strengths, weaknesses, foibles, quirks, humour...all of it, means you know who you really are. You know what works and what doesn't in your life. After all, you're living the reality of it. It's not a quick fix. Life has a funny way of throwing up situations, you weren't expecting and shaking your resolve. Plans can fly out the window in the face of challenges. 

There are over 7 billion people now living on this planet. It's okay to be you. In fact, by being the most you, you can be, you'll inspire the people around you. I figure we need more authentic, switched on, aware and inspiring people. So speak your truth, live your life the best way you can. 

Because Life is short. Get out there and Live it!

Past, Present and Future - where are you?

You can't have a better tomorrow if you don't stop thinking about yesterday

from The Relationship Specialists

Anyone working in Personal Development is motivated by the belief that people can make their tomorrows better. How a person gets there...well that's where the arguments start. Freud began psychoanalysis and talking therapy which has had a major impact on counselling and therapies of different flavours. 

Hear Richard Bandler talking about talking therapies and you're going see a man on his soap box and hear a lot of swearing. Bandler believes that talking therapies involve taking clients through their most painful experiences and re-living every last detail. Don't get me wrong, he's scathing for a reason, he doesn't want his clients to suffer and he believes that all talking therapies do, is cause clients to suffer and suffer again.

I'm not sure I am with him 100% on this. I believe that a client can learn about why they made the choices they did, if indeed they had any part in the decision-making that caused their suffering. I do believe being self-aware and self-analysis are useful. Recognising your patterns of behaviour, triggers, people that don't bring out the best in you....these are things which can be incredibly useful in self-development.

However, I think he is absolutely right. There comes a point when a line has to be drawn under the past. After all it's done and dusted. We've all got our escalator moments; arguments in which we wish we would have been more clever, more cutting or would just rather not have indulged. We all have regrets. Situations in which a do-over would be a blessing.

Unfortunately, it's not going to happen. 

The Past is done. And that's a huge blessing. We don't have to live there. Every time we bring our pasts into our present, it brings poison. We punish the innocents in our lives, because someone else punished us. We don't trust other people or worse, ourselves. We exist in suffering.

It blights our Future.

So how do we get our brighter Future? Well, many coaches will give their clients exercises to set goals, aims and objectives. There are timelines and Plans. After all, if you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there?

Again, I'm not sure I'm with this 100%. Life can change between one breath and the next. There are a whole raft of things which can take your Life Plan, shake it up and spit it out. I can guarantee that however good and realistic your Plan, and all of the contingencies you may have in place, that you'll be hit, completely out of the blue by something you never could have foreseen. Just to clarify, I mean good things as well as bad, I'm not being negative here.

But a real issue that many people have by living in the Future, is when they get to their goal, they can be left scratching their heads. It's not what they expected. They can be left disappointed, deflated and confused. "I was supposed to be happy!"

What's the answer?

It's here in your Present.

You've survived your Past. The proof Ladies and Gentlemen is staring at you in the mirror. You're still breathing in and out. Therefore, stop a moment and pat yourselves on the back. You lived through it. Whatever it was, no matter how horrendous or painful; you're here now.

This is where you take control. 

First, listen to what you're saying to yourself. Look at the pictures you make in your head when you start re-playing the movie of the Past. An NLP Practitioner will tell you to play different movies, swish the Past away and that little nagging voice...well, stick a clown's nose on it, give it big shoes and a squeaky voice. These are useful techniques. If you want to learn how to do it for yourself, look up Get the Life you Want and Trance-formations, by Richard Bandler. Both books are packed full of useful tips and techniques to get yourself on a good path. Or find an NLP Practitioner near you to help you to do this for yourself.

Secondly, I've found The Work of Byron Katie to be incredibly useful. If you visit her website and have a good look around, she's got free downloads of the work sheets with instructions and there's also a useful iPad app, though you've got to pay for that. Her take on internal dialogue is slightly different. She says that thoughts are like rain, they just fall. The problems start when you believe them and give them power by making stories around them. Her approach is much like Buddhism, the cause of suffering is attachment. She believes that if you do The Work, you don't let go of your thoughts, they simply let go of you. They fall away of their own accord.

Making the promise to yourself, that you will do things differently is enough to get you started. How you continue, well that's your Path and you'll figure things out. You'll find out what works for you.

How do you make your Present better? Well, a great way to start is with gratitude. There are blessings all around you. A journal of gratitude or a book of blessings is a brilliant way to remind yourself that things might be difficult at the moment, but look at what you have got. Even if, at the end of a hard day, you say to yourself 'thank goodness, I never have to do today again,' it's a great way of re-inforcing that tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning...a chance to do things differently. 

If you are in the midst of a difficult or challenging situation, staying focused in the Present is the only sane strategy. Procrastinate the worry, there's nothing to be gained by dragging it into your Present. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Find the joy now. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

And finally, you're not alone. Support for you is out there, wherever you are.

Be well my darlings.

Which Way is Up?

Within the Meta Model in NLP, there's a couple of interesting concepts in the way people have a sliding scale of referencing their beliefs either internally or externally. In other words, do people look outside of themselves for their truths, or do they base their decisions and actions on what they think and feel? Hands up if you've ever had lunch with an externally referencing person, they go around the table asking everyone what they're having before making their decision about what they're going to eat (and are usually unhappy with their choice).

Actually, I have been that person. 

I have been the person who reality checks things with other people, rather than trusting my own judgement. The problem with this approach is manyfold. For a start, you have to trust that the people around you fully understands what's happening and they have to have your best interests at heart. I've been very lucky, I have been able to trust the judgement of those closest to me. 

But by far the biggest problem with this, is the lack of trust in myself. When I was going outside of myself for wisdom, what I was really saying is that I didn't trust myself to make the best decisions for me. This reinforces feelings of worthlessness and envy. Neither of which are of any use.

Things really began to shift for me, the more time I spent sitting with my feelings, no matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant they were. But the real change came when I started to accept myself, when I stopped giving myself a hard time, when I started enjoying spending time on my own.

Accepting yourself is one of the easiest things to say...and one of the hardest things to do. It means you take responsibility for yourself fully and you stand by the good, bad and ugly decisions you've made. It's a process, not the destination. Because, like everyone else, you still have days you wish would never end, and the days when you regret opening your eyes and getting out of bed. It means you take control of your internal dialogue, you catch the thoughts where you undermine yourself. It means you start owning up to the great things you do, the goodness in your Life and start taking pride in your accomplishments, no matter how seemingly trivial.

The trouble with constantly referencing externally, is that whilst you're stuck in that mentality, it's easy to slip into believing that other people have it much easier than you, that people have better and more fulfilling jobs, that other couples have better relationships; you slip into sour grapes.

Personally, I don't see the sense in that kind of thinking and it confounds me when I do see it. I think it's narrow and mean-spirited. I'm having enough challenges with my Life as it is, I sure as heck wouldn't want someone else's Life and their problems. You might think that other people have it easy, but in my experience those other peoples' Perfect Lives are their own personal Hells. 

I've also got too much to be getting on with to worry about what other people are doing. The time spent bitching about other people, could be spent in more pleasurable pursuits. Like hugging. Hugging and cuddling are the best remedies for feeling crap. Or going for a walk. Or just taking a few moments to breathe deeply. The attitude of gratitude is a fantastic remedy. Because once you start counting your blessings, you'll find it difficult to stop, even when the going gets challenging. Learning to be kind to yourself allows you to be kind to other people and about other people.

And I don't know about you, but I sure as hell think the World could do with more kindness.

Small Moments of Beauty

Sometimes it's the little things that we feel the most grateful for: Like a cup of coffee, a glimpse of sunshine on a cloudy day, an unexpected smile. And when we remember that we can actually create these small moments for others, our power to do good is unleashed and the world is literally changed in an instant. 

Paul Boynton - Begin with Yes

I'm a big fan of Paul's Facebook page. His messages are pertinent and timely. And this one, particularly struck a chord.

When my father was dying in Trinidad, I would stand outside in my brother's back yard and smoke like a train. As I stood there desperately trying to keep focused in the present, trying not to despair, keeping it together, I looked around and found beauty.

It was sometimes subtle: a butterfly, a small lizard darting amongst the plants or fire flies blinking in the darkness. It was sometimes spectacular: a flock of parrots raucously chatting to each other as they flew around the neighbourhood. Let me tell you, 1 parrot makes a whole heap of noise, a flock of 15-20...well, they are deafening.

Beauty was there. It reminded me that we are all part of this Life together, held by something more wonderful than we can imagine.

Back home in the real world. I carried on my 'normal' life. 

Sometimes, I need reminders that the beauty and wonder is still there. I have to make time to look. But they are still there: a furry caterpillar undulating up a sprig of lavender, the bright waning moon.

What moments of beauty can you find today? This is my challenge to you. Especially, if you're feeling tired, low and fed-up. What's there waiting for you to see? I'd really appreciate it if you'd share. 

Definitions

After a particularly unsuccessful relationship, I took away a couple insights that I've found particularly useful and will share with you today. 

When I started writing essays for the various humanities subjects I studies, I was taught to state the definitions of the words I was using to formulate my argument. It's a standard part of academic writing and beginning your argument with clear frameworks means that you're less likely to go wandering off into the intellectual wilderness and never find your way home. It sets up your thinking, which informs your argument (because all essays are supposed to be arguments).

Please let me make it clear, I believe relationships are not arguments.

I do believe in communication within relationships (oh yeah, and I'm using relationships in the broadest sense of the word, not just loving, intimate relationships). I believe in communication, mostly because my own telepathy is pretty rubbish, and sometimes people do things which confuse and may make perfect sense to them...but leaves me scratching my head. Rather than try to rationalise or create stories around someone's actions, I'd rather ask.

When I first start getting to know someone, I like to find out their definitions of things. Firstly, because I'm nosy, I remain deeply interested in how people create their realities. Being a writer and an NLP Practitioner...only adds to this nosiness. The definitions people use reveal the frameworks for their thinking, it reveals how they construct their world and it because as human beings there will be tension between what they want and what they do.

I find people endlessly fascinating.

When you know where people are coming from, what their core values are, where their beliefs lie, you've got the foundations for a strong friendship or loving relationship.

I have found this to be very useful when talking about the vague words we use all the time. Consider 'love', 'friendship' and 'relationship'. 

It all sounds straightforward doesn't it? Not quite.

Using someone's definition assumes a couple of things: firstly, they are articulate and self-aware and secondly, that they will always follow through on their definitions.

You see, there exists a kind of schism between what I would like to be, as a person and what  I actually do. Within my behaviours there are paradoxes, anomalies and contradictions. And that's what makes human beings endlessly fascinating to me.

And what do I trust, when someone's behaviour and action are not joined up?

I trust the action. Always.

And I trust how their actions make me feel.

I once dated someone who claimed to be 'into me, big-time'. Yet, he was always late. He was stingy emotionally and he'd change/downgrade our plans at the last minute. I'd gently broach the subject, he'd say 'baby, you're fun and hot, of course I want to be with you.' I'd leave the conversations feeling insecure. In the end, I called things off.

I don't particularly like being called 'baby'. I'm a grown woman with a long and lanky teenager. I've gone past the age where being called 'baby' is cute.

And I didn't like how I felt around him.

And that was the other big lesson I've learnt in relationships.

It's not how I feel about someone, which I take most notice of now. It's how the other person makes me feel when we're together and when we're apart. But we'll maybe talk about that another time. 

So, has that been useful for you? What are your definitions? What are your partner's definitions? How do you resolve the differences?

Thought for the Day

Because this is more of my 'professional' blog, I am more thoughtful about what I blog about and try to ensure that it's directly relevant to personal development, spirituality or whatever.


I've had a couple of ideas kicking about, but haven't got around to writing anything just about yet.


As you may (or may not) be aware, I hang out a lot on my social media. As a medium for keeping in touch with people, it totally rocks. It allows for connections with people I have 'known' for a long time, even if I've never met them.


One thing is for certain: Times are hard all over. Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances.


Unfortunately, my magic wand is all waved out. I can't make it better for everyone. I can't give anyone else a happily-ever-after and the Gods know, I would love to be able to.


What I can do is remind you that Times is Tough. Please be gentle with yourself and be gentle with the people around you. And when things happen out of your direct control, be the best friend you can to yourself, let kindness start with you. And if you can...

Small Fears

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.

 Richard Bach

Sometimes I ask myself "what's the point of NLP? Has it really made a difference to my life? Or has it just been an expensive self-indulgence?'


I think it's a good thing to question and to listen to the answer. After all, what might have started out as a good idea, half way through, it might be the worst of all things. And there's no point wasting time about it, if it's not working, it's time to do something different. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different outcomes (a misquote from Einstein).


NLP's approach to phobias is perhaps one of the most effective and life-changing. I've seen a woman too terrified of snakes to even look at a picture of one in a magazine, within 20 minutes of being on stage with Richard Bandler stroking a patient boa constrictor. My Boy, whom I love dearly had the most awesome girlie scream when confronted with spiders. I've got pictures of him after his NLP training, holding a tarantula called Rosie, looking very pleased with himself.


But what have I experienced?


Well, I'm not a fan of heights or tight spaces. I tried camping once. It wasn't a success thanks to the slope we were pitched on, the chilly August and the fact that I couldn't sleep in the tent with it zipped up. I didn't freak out, or fall apart. I just made it very clear that the tent had to stay unzipped. Never mind the cold and damp.


I've not been keen on heights. Again, I don't freak out, or fall apart, but I let my general unhappiness be known. I have been to the top of Cardiff Castle, not an entirely happy experience.


So, when I was invited to go on a tour of Ely Cathedral, I was curious. I was asked if I would be worried about heights and tight places, because there would be both. There are about 170 steps in very tight conditions to take you to the top of the Cathedral which is about 120 ft. I said I was up for it. And I was.


Going up, it wasn't the very tight space which was the issue. Put it this way, if there is ever a space to elicit a freak-out response, heading up to look at the Octagon is it. It starts out reasonable, but on the third leg of the ascent, the staircase becomes a very, very small space with people above and behind you. No, the issue for me was my level of fitness i.e. the heaving chest and the burning calves. My Goddess do I ever need to sort out an exercise regime. 170 bloody tiny steps to walk up and down again!


Once up there, I looked out towards Cambridge and across the fens. I enjoyed looking down on a nesting dove and at the people walking around the Cathedral grounds. I was laughing and joking. In other words, I was fine.


I was comfortable and happy (a bit chilly, because obviously it's March weather in the beginning of June) and I had a lovely time.


Here's the thing: I had to consciously notice this difference in my response. Big deal? It's more like a little deal. It was something that I used to do, and now I don't do it any more. A bit like my smoking. So the answer is still a resounding yes, NLP is good for me and I still believe it's a great thing for other people too. 

When 140 Characters Just isn't Enough

"You're just never satisfied" My exH.

That observation/criticism from my exH, probably typifies the failure of our marriage. His frustration with me and vice versa. But then, he was talking to a young woman who ran away from her home and country at the ripe-old age of 18, to rock up to work in her father's pub. No, I'm not good with 'good enough'; I'm worse with 'status quo'; and my personal favourite, 'that's the way it is, that's the way we always do it', makes me grind my teeth to undo all the good dental work I've had done recently.


I have a short attention span. My employment, generally speaking lasts for 18 months to 2 years and there are very few instances of me lasting 2 years. I'll leave out details of my private life, because well, it's really no better. I used to believe my family when they said it's because I'm flaky. I now believe my Mentor when he says it's because I am a learning animal and I need the stimulation of new situations, new learnings. 


When we were having that conversation, he put to me a scenario that many people used to experience here in Norwich: leave school, get a job at Norwich Union, work there for 40 years, retire in a bungalow, die. I find even writing that, a deeply uncomfortable experience. My skin crawls and my shoulders start creeping up around my ears. Does. Not. Compute. He says I'm the kind of person who at 80 will be invited to a dinner party to regale the other guests with my latest adventure. I was much more engaged with that vision of myself. That was one of the two conversations that turned my internal world upside down to settle in a far better place.


I've been having a conversation on twitter. There was concern that Life Coaching was like air-freshner and that it promoted the view that people can't cope without it. Haven't we got along fine without it so far?


Now, I'm not a Life Coach. I am an NLP Practitioner. But I use life coaching strategies in my work, just as life coaches use NLP in theirs. But more than that, I believe in personal development, I believe it the same way I believe the sun rises in the East every morning. So for me not to engage in that conversation is like saying 'stop breathing'. But the great thing about it, is it's given me a chance to really consider the discussion. I've sat with it for a couple of days and here's what I think.


I believe there's always a better way of doing things. Life Coaching, is an exploration, an adventure. It's about finding out the clients' values, aims and Life goals, it's about lining everything up and discarding the self-sabotage that gets in the way. Ultimately, it's about enabling the client to achieve what they want in a way that is compatible with their values. The value of this was questioned - haven't people been getting along just fine without Coaching and Mentoring.


Yes and no. Yes, people have been perfectly successful without it. But no one achieves anything without a helping hand. I'd argue coaching and mentoring has always been there. In the days of manufacturing, there was the concept of apprenticeships: a lad started out at the bottom and learnt his trade from the people already doing the work. If he was good enough, he became a Master and took on his own apprentices. If you want to learn something, you find an expert in it and learn from them. When I worked in Economic Development, I used to arrange for business consultants to go into Small to Medium Enterprises to help the business owners grow their business. The criticism then was 'if the consultants were so successful in their field, why do consulting?' Often it was the case that the consultants were retired and so committed to entrepreneurship, that they wanted to pass on their skills to the next generation. And of course, some were better than others. Just like everything else.


Life Coaching is a particular version of this. Instead of looking at how to do something better in a business to achieve a better bottom line, it looks at what behaviours a person can change to do better in the facets of their life which are important to them. Life Coaching looks at all facets of a client's life: relationships, friendships, working life, career etc. If one facet is off, it tends to bleed into the rest of their lives.


Abraham Maslow created the Self-Actualisation Pyramid, whereby an individual sorted out the food, shelter, work, relationships facets before moving on to be self-actualised. NLP doesn't agree with that approach. We're an impatient lot. Why wait for self-actualisation? It's possible to work on all of these things together and frankly, you might as well enjoy the journey, because you're longer there than in the self-actualisation part! By lining all of these things up and getting everything working towards the same goal, it makes things more coherent, efficient and is a more fun experience.


One of the foundations of NLP is modelling. The co-founders broke away from the medicalised approach to mental health and studied people who succeeded. They studied people who got over phobias and then applied the model to people who struggled with them and taught them to get over it too. Think it sounds far fetched?


I've been in a room with a woman who was so terrified at the thought of snakes, her terror would manifest at a picture of a snake in a magazine. After 20 minutes, Richard Bandler taught her to overcome her fear, so that she was holding and stroking a boa constrictor and smiling. Boy did not like spiders, there would be many big, girlie screams at the sight of a spider, even in the bath and unable to get to him. I've got pictures of him holding Rosie, a tarantula after his session.


My boss in financial services over the last two years, has been mentored. He led his company through a very rocky patch last summer, where we all thought every day would be our last working there. Not 8 months later, the company is growing, taking on new staff and opening new offices around the country. All down to mentoring? No, but the mentoring helped him focus his concentration and energy to achieve his goal. Ultimately, a person has to put the theory into action. 


Life requires courage, compassion, perseverance, humour, creativity to survive it without going mad. Life Coaching offers one way of negotiating the mine field. It might not suit everyone. And that's fine. Like I said, I'm an NLP Practitioner, not a Life Coach, but I would not rule out it's usefulness to people who are struggling.


So what are your thoughts on the subject? What do you think? Self-indulgent waste of time, or useful? Tell me, tell me all!