Sunday, 9 September 2012

The Adventurer

It never ceases to amaze me, how a different perspective can really change things. A different view on an old problem, can bring about resolution; and things shift from then on incredibly quickly.

A lot of the work I've been doing has been about bringing my focus into the Present. 

Taking it away from the Past, because that's been and done, and obsessing about it, doesn't resolve what actually happened. It happened. And the best thing about it is the fact that it's done! Because it's done, I don't have to relieve the situation, the feelings all over again. 

Bringing my focus away from the Future. It hasn't happened yet. My focus was full of fear: what ifs, disasters lurking in the bushes, people waiting to stomp all over me, a vision of me being a mad old woman with cats all by myself.

All of this fear from the Past, worry about the Future, really buggers up the Present. It's hard to enjoy your next breath if you're in such pain. It's hard to see the people trying to love you when you're busy being angry about the stuff that happened so long ago. It's hard to be hopeful when you believe that you're doomed to repeat the patterns of the past. There really is no point.

The realisation that the Past and Future are mere constructs. They don't really exist except in the recesses of the mind, is so liberating. Their power to limit and constrict diminishes, with the realisation that it's all about attitude. Byron Katie has been instrumental in adjusting my thinking about reality. Her Work has honed and refined what Richard Bandler started. Have a look what she says about arguing with reality: you only lose 100% of the time. And as for Bandler, he's all about blowing limiting beliefs out of the water. If your life is determined by your perspective (is your glass half-full, half-empty or are you getting a jug to fill it up with?), then why not choose the perspective where you have fun?

Allowing the fear, pain and disappointment of the Past and Future, gives you the freedom of the Present. Everything becomes possible.

If you accept the Freedom of your Life, doesn't that make you an adventurer? Every day has surprises, beauty, laughter in it because it unfolds without your expectation. Nothing is disappointing.

Being the adventurer doesn't mean Life becomes Easy. 

It's funny, but when I've talked to people about this, 'easy' tends to come up in the conversation.

"It's easy for you to say that, it's not so easy to do."

I do wonder about where this expectation came from. Who said it would be Easy? And since when is Easy better? Bluntly, the expectation that personal development work should be Easy, is lazy thinking. It's lazy thinking coming from a place of weariness and despair. Nothing grows out of weariness and despair; only more of the same. It's impossible to be an adventurer if you stay at home in the same old, same old. It requires action, a willingness to try, to experiment. And when you're exhausted by your Life and it's limitations, it all starts with inspiration.

What inspires you? What excites you? What pleasures you?

My Facebook friend Paul Boynton, has a fabulous framework for getting you moving, it's called Begin with Yes.

And if you're trying a new way of thinking, a new perspective, a new way of living, it's bound to be a bit clunky at first. It's called learning, which means unless you are a savant, you've got to practice, work hard to catch the old patterns of thought until the new stuff beds in and becomes second nature.

Think this isn't possible? When you were a small child and you had to tie your own shoe laces by yourself for the first time...didn't it take you a few goes before you get it right? Worst case scenario is you end up with loads of grannie knots to stop your shoes from falling off - as long as you can keep going, tie them up again if they become's all that counts.

Where is your adventure going to take you?


  1. Put it this way, bungalows and Somerset WILL NOT be featuring in my next adventure...

    1. Yes, I can understand completely, why bungalows and Somerset will not be first on your list of coming adventures.

      I'm still surprised you're coherent and sober after that nightmare.

  2. Appreciating any moment of enjoyment that I could, living only in the present because I felt so negative that thoughts of the future were scary, helped me get into a good frame of mind again after a very stressful time in my life. It took a few years to recover completely, though.

    And now, things have been a bit tricky again. So I'm going to concentrate on getting practical stuff in order, trying to simplify things so they're easier to manage. Not so much an adventure as a sounder base for whatever life brings next.

    1. I'm so sorry things are difficult for you.

      Remaining in the Present a good defence mechanism, isn't it? When the Future makes you hyperventilate, the Present is bearable with a short and concise To Do List.

      It's the time when any chance of something enjoyable should be grabbed with both hands.

      There will be cake!

  3. The future frightens me continually.

    I continue to put one foot in front of the other, however, and pray it goes well...


    1. The Future begins in The Present. How zen is that?

      Honey, create your future out of laughter and love and it will be okay. And besides, you're a totally kick-ass woman! You've survived such tough times, you've got all the skills already to beat anything.

      You won't need to pray it goes well, because you're putting one foot in front of the other. God helps those who help themselves.

      Have some faith in yourself honey. You're totally awesome.

  4. We shape our future with the way we think our present. I remember reading or hearing the phrase: "That what you fear the most will meet you halfway".

    I also used to say "It's easier to say than to do" and then one day, this thought just came to me: "But Jon, is it easier the way you live right now, always worrying about everything?"

    And I started laughing! Of course not! But what it takes to really learn all this is time. We must slow down and take the time to think about all this and do the work. And time is something most people aren't willing to invest unfortunately. We are so busy running around trying to get the most out of life, but are we really satisfied and happy???

    You said it right Roses, it takes practice. I think I said it over here once, you cannot play a piano sonata by Beethoven only after two or three piano lessons. You'll need to practice a whole lot to get there: you'll need to put the time required and repeat and repeat and repeat again and again. Life is no different than learning to play a musical instrument.

    The problem with us grown-ups, is that the first time we fall, we quit. Thank God, we didn't stop trying to walk the first time we fell when we were still wearing pampers!

    Wonderful post Roses and thank for sharing. I still have to remind myself all this stuff. I hope one day, it'll become as natural as breathing. :)


  5. Being aware that you lapse into old patterns of thinking, is such a success! Give yourself a pat on the back. It shows you're growing in the right direction. Give yourself a break honey. This is hard work.

    Bandler stated that the most powerful instinct was to remain in the familiar, it even over-rides survival. Surprises you? It shouldn't. How many people you know stay in unhappy relationships/situations because of the fear of the unknown.

    So breaking the mould is a big, big deal. Keep working at it, you'll succeed.

  6. Today I am thinking about 9/11.

    I never thought I would see a day when the only planes in the air were fighter jets flying combat air patrol over our cities.

    1. A sad day; for so many people.

      The ripples of which we are still feeling.


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